So it is time to say goodbyeee...:(
Its hard to start to sum up the Enfield experience in a blog on my last ever working day here but I will give it a shot. This last week has been a time where I have looked back on the sart of the year and the experiences and feelings I had about it all then. I remember being nervous and also excited to take in the new experiences, trying to understand what it was that was happening here and what my role in the whole thing was. Thats definetley something that has been becoming clearer up to this point, infact Id say that it maybe wasnt 'til after Christmas that it started to sink in.
A massively important thing for me and probably the most life changing in the long run is my faith here in Enfield. I panicked before that maybe God would change here because I wasn't connecting with him in the ways I was used to and that he wouldn't be consistent and that maybe I'd lose him. But in fact, the very opposite happened, at the beginning of my time, I felt him so close. He has and is opening my eyes to see a bigger Him than I ever imagined, and it is terrifying because it means I am letting go of things I have held on to in the name of God but with a heart of fear. This year has challenged me to see things from a different perspective, to understand that the way I do things is not THE way to do things. Many things and lessons have started here, certainly living in community, practising grace practically, learning to fall in love with him. Still, he draws me to his heart of grace and love, that has been something that God is doing this year, he is continuing to pursue me even though I am consistently turn my back on him. It's nice to know he's willing to move to Enfield for me.
On more practical notes...the youth clubs. Ive loved everyone of them and they have all been different. The Island, for me, has been the youth club that has meant the most, and I think I always knew it would. It has been the one that has required most of me timewise and heartwise. I have found it challenging at times and know that I have to put myself out there, unlike Kettering or Bounces road to thje same extent where I have always felt a good degree of safety and security. They have been a place where I have learned to serve and not think always me, me, me (although I still do the majority of the time) and think about investing in these young people and offering them companionship, to actually care about their lives, something reasonably uncommon in their day-to-day. This has had rewards, the little things the young people say or do can often mean alot.
The things Ive learned here and am learning are too many to mention. I have found the daytimes and admin tough, I have sometimes struggled with motivation, with appreciating every moment as an oppurtunity to serve, I have struggled to give myself up, to sometimes be honest when it hurts, to know when Im being selfsih and when I need to say something, I have struggled finding the difference, balance and truth in activisim, pursuing the heart of God, I have struggled in loving others, prefering to search and seek my own identity and so acting out of fear instead of love.
Sometimes I am so behind what is going on here, other times I cannot muster the motivation. I cannot sum up what these 6 months have been for me, because I still do not yet know. It has been a pleasure, however, sharing life with the people I have met here, learning more about God and his plans and dreams and church. I feel blessed (and I mean that in its richest sense) to have come into contact with all the people I have in my time here, and I think this is the most important thing to me. From young people, to church members to staff at the academy, to people I have met through other people, to the volunteers and then to my own precious team, it has been such a blessing and these are the people who I have learned so much from and really, what my memories from Enfield will be about!
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