My Lastest Enfield Blog

So it is time to say goodbyeee...:(

Its hard to start to sum up the Enfield experience in a blog on my last ever working day here but I will give it a shot. This last week has been a time where I have looked back on the sart of the year and the experiences and feelings I had about it all then. I remember being nervous and also excited to take in the new experiences, trying to understand what it was that was happening here and what my role in the whole thing was. Thats definetley something that has been becoming clearer up to this point, infact Id say that it maybe wasnt 'til after Christmas that it started to sink in.

A massively important thing for me and probably the most life changing in the long run is my faith here in Enfield. I panicked before that maybe God would change here because I wasn't connecting with him in the ways I was used to and that he wouldn't be consistent and that maybe I'd lose him. But in fact, the very opposite happened, at the beginning of my time, I felt him so close. He has and is opening my eyes to see a bigger Him than I ever imagined, and it is terrifying because it means I am letting go of things I have held on to in the name of God but with a heart of fear. This year has challenged me to see things from a different perspective, to understand that the way I do things is not THE way to do things. Many things and lessons have started here, certainly living in community, practising grace practically, learning to fall in love with him. Still, he draws me to his heart of grace and love, that has been something that God is doing this year, he is continuing to pursue me even though I am consistently turn my back on him. It's nice to know he's willing to move to Enfield for me.

On more practical notes...the youth clubs. Ive loved everyone of them and they have all been different. The Island, for me, has been the youth club that has meant the most, and I think I always knew it would. It has been the one that has required most of me timewise and heartwise. I have found it challenging at times and know that I have to put myself out there, unlike Kettering or Bounces road to thje same extent where I have always felt a good degree of safety and security. They have been a place where I have learned to serve and not think always me, me, me (although I still do the majority of the time) and think about investing in these young people and offering them companionship, to actually care about their lives, something reasonably uncommon in their day-to-day. This has had rewards, the little things the young people say or do can often mean alot.

The things Ive learned here and am learning are too many to mention. I have found the daytimes and admin tough, I have sometimes struggled with motivation, with appreciating every moment as an oppurtunity to serve, I have struggled to give myself up, to sometimes be honest when it hurts, to know when Im being selfsih and when I need to say something, I have struggled finding the difference, balance and truth in activisim, pursuing the heart of God, I have struggled in loving others, prefering to search and seek my own identity and so acting out of fear instead of love.

Sometimes I am so behind what is going on here, other times I cannot muster the motivation. I cannot sum up what these 6 months have been for me, because I still do not yet know. It has been a pleasure, however, sharing life with the people I have met here, learning more about God and his plans and dreams and church. I feel blessed (and I mean that in its richest sense) to have come into contact with all the people I have in my time here, and I think this is the most important thing to me. From young people, to church members to staff at the academy, to people I have met through other people, to the volunteers and then to my own precious team, it has been such a blessing and these are the people who I have learned so much from and really, what my memories from Enfield will be about!

What fairtrade means to me...

At the beginning of this gap year I had heard of fairtrade through a friends mum. And I did vow to only buy fairtrade chocolate, however, the vow was as far as it went because I forgot and then couldn't really be bothered.



And then when I arrived here, I met Steve and he was kinda onboard with the whole thing. I didnt enjoy the disruption to my lifestyle and I didnt appreciate the talk at training on fairtrade. I knew it was an issue but I didnt want to confront it. So instead of confronting it, I made fun of Steve. Slowly, I let it sink in, and realised the implications, how disgusting it was that we're at a point where we feel generous and sacrificial when we allow someone else a fair wage, something we demand.



This started me being alot hotter on the whole thing. And I would happily judge others and tell others about fairtrade and try my bestest to buy fairtrade stuff. Of course, when I needed footy boots immediately, fairtrade wasn't an issue. I am very poor with determination and so I knew that if I made a "vow" I would probably break it. But I also saw that in my moments of "revelation" if you like, how much it meant to people. And so I settled in getting fairtrade whenever I could, and yes still juding slightly those who didnt.

However, it all sorta got a bit shattered when I went for coffee with someone I respect and look up to and they said they didnt find it an issue, that its the big companies that need to change. Now, Im not saying what he said was right, but it made me think. Would Jesus make it a big deal? I'm not saying he wouldnt be for it, he absolutely would. But, would that be the issue? Is there something bigger and something more important going on when we choose fairtrade than just fairtrade? It's a great cause, one I am behind, but if I ever get legalistic about it, get so passionate about it that it owns me, that guilt hangs over me when I buy one Mars Bar, is that good?

Jesus was not bound by anything yet subject to all. The story of when the woman uses all her perfume on her feet, the question was posed...couldn't that have been sold and the money given to the poor? And yes it could, and that would have been good, right? What was it about Jesus that he was free? He had been preaching justice for the poor and yet he let this thing slide?! It intriques me and I think has implications for causes such as fairtrade. Yes, I am absolutely behind it, and yes I will go out of my way to buy fairtrade, but I think that I wont let it own me. Fairtrade, at the end of the day is about justice, and justice is about redemption and redemption comes back to Christ.

So it does matter to me, and I am behind it and I want to celebrate it and I want to worship Jesus thorugh it and I want to learn from him through it and I want to know him through it but I want to be like the lady with the perfume too.