The place of the mind gods and other thoughts

Recently i havebeen thinking alot. For good reasons but in a bad way. Since i have been here, i have been exposed to a new way of thinking, and its still working through with "the old way". I used to focus my walk twith God entirely on getting to know him more, but also, now i realise this MUST be followed with a love for others etc. Im still struggling abit to find the balance because i know that the more you look at Christ, the more you become like him and so the love for others should be born there...anyway, so with a new "way of thinking" if you like, i started to question the fundamentals of what i believe and why i believe them...and when i start i dont seem to stop.I will question how i even judge "truth", is it logical or intuitive? How do i even know I can trust either of them things etc...it gets to a point where its so deep i become absorbed in it and trapped...what i like to call the mind maze. The way out everytime should be to lay me questions with God, whethr i get an answer or not but i dont, i pursue knowledge to the point of utter confusion, the edge of depression and a focus solely on me. It births pride in its ugliest...I realise how much pride is left in me, how much is left in the church and i try to scramble out of that place...i am trapped AGAIN but in pride. Jesus' teachings are amazing because they are the simplest, most foundational notions that cause the most confusion. So i stay trapped here...until...i just let go. I dont have to "work" my way out, i let him do it, i can rejoice in him even when i am incomplete, unknowing, failing and proud. Instead of "fixing" me, which leads deeper nto the maze, i just let go and let God.I am on a quest that was revealed to me almost two years ago, that we are FREE. And we can probably all recite what we are free of, but it struck home...we are FREE!!!! Why don't i believe it?! Theres ALWAYS a "but", reasons why i shouldnt or couldnt possibly live in a state of joy or peace. When we do this,. we infect others lives and a Shane Claibourne styled life could be lived in business, a home, a neighbourhood, school, IF we dare to be loved so that we can love.My mind has been so me focused lately and still is, but i rejoice in the victory of Christ that he continues to work in me...